


Costco

by aquarium_seeds



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abuse of the samples offered at Costco, Awesome Jane Foster, Blenders, F/M, Grocery Shopping, Just Jane and Thor doing Jane and Thor things, Light-Hearted, Slice of Life, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, working through a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24266824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquarium_seeds/pseuds/aquarium_seeds
Summary: It's just a quick cereal run. In and out. Except that Thor loves exploring Earth Things, and Jane loves Thor.
Relationships: Jane Foster/Thor
Kudos: 13





	Costco

“I shall have the honor of directing the cart?” asked Thor as Jane breezed past the stall of interlocked shopping carts at the entrance of Costco.

“No,” said Jane over her shoulder, distracted by the multitude of TVs displaying aerial nature shots in 4k. “I don’t think we need a cart. We’re just here for a few items.” Her favorite cereal, specifically. Actual shopping trips required some serious planning, as Thor’s massive appetite demanded several carts worth of food (along with a delivery of meats from a local butcher, bushels of fruits and vegetables, and several gallons of milk) every week. 

“I think should we leave a cart behind, we would regret it afore long,” Thor warned. Jane finally tore her eyes away from the televisions, considering. Thor tended to swipe anything he thought interesting into the cart, determined to try as many Midgardian foods as possible. 

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” she agreed. “Go ahead and grab one.”

“I am honored to be your pull-beast,” he said gallantly with a wink. His eyes darkened and his tone lowered as he rumbled, “You are welcome to _ride_ me anytime you wish.”

Jane grinned and bumped her shoulder against his bicep as he came along side her. “Don’t distract me,” she teased. “This is supposed to be a quick trip.” Thor winked again as he pushed the cart into the fray of shoppers and aisles.

Almost immediately, he was distracted by the clothing, piled in semi-neat stacks just inside the entrance. He paused as Jane continued on. “This would be most becoming on you, Jane!” he called, holding up a button-up shirt. Jane turned back to look.

“Actually, I think I already own that shirt,” she said, returning to his side. She caught a sleeve and inspected the pattern. “Yep. Definitely.” She laughed a little. “Somewhere in my closet, at least.” 

Thor returned the shirt to the pile after folding it loosely. “Your wardrobe does seem to grow each time I think you have reached the back of it. Precisely how many shirts do you own?”

“Enough that I don’t have to do laundry except every four weeks,” said Jane seriously. 

Thor threw his head back and laughed. “I ought to have known that you had a systematic reason behind your numerous clothes! To be certain, I had wondered at the amount, as it seems your nomadic lifestyle recording the stars would not lend itself to amassing such possessions.” 

“True,” said Jane. “But you would be surprised to see what I can stuff into a suitcase.”

“Indeed, I believe it! Never did I think so many objects could inhabit so small a space without being enchanted.”

Jane grinned, swelling with pride. “Almost anything is worth not having to go to the laundromat. Seriously, you would not believe the scummy laundromats I’ve been in…” she trailed off, looking deeper into the store. “Speaking of which, we need laundry detergent along with my cereal. Come on!” Cheerfully she tugged the end of the cart.

It was fortunate they had taken the cart. Thor was interested by several different types of non-dairy milks, a 6-pack of hot sauces increasing in spiciness, and a few bags of chips in interesting flavors, which all ended up in the cart. 

“We are here for _cereal_ ,” Jane reminded him mildly. Thor just lifted his brows and pulled his mouth into a ‘who, me?’ expression, and pretended to be very fascinated with the ceiling as he toppled another bag of snacks into the cart. Jane shrugged and added a package of candied mangos along with his haul.

Before they reached the frozen food section, Jane motioned to pause the cart in an out-of-the-way area and leaned in conspiratorially. 

“Over there,” she whispered, gesturing slightly to a person in a hair-net and apron behind a table with a microwave, “Is our next target. _Free samples_.” Thor leaned in close and made a noise of intrigued understanding. “They have little samples you can take, and the point is to get as many as possible without them realizing.”

“Ah,” said Thor, “a mission of stealth! I approve heartily of the prize. What is our strategy?”

“First I go up, and ask for one, then ask to take another for my boyfriend who is somewhere else. I come back and we eat the sample. Then you do the same. But, while you’re still at the sample table, I come back and act surprised and say something like, ‘oh! You’re here! I already grabbed you one but haha I ate yours already!’ and take another from the table to offer you. You, however, already have the two you got. So total, we get 5 samples.”

Thor’s eyebrows were raised. “I did not expect such an intricate plan,” he said. 

“I have put some thought into it,” said Jane, impishly. “Then,” she said with more determination, “I come back and say ‘I loved it so much, could I just have one more, please?’ And then hopefully they say yes and I take one. Then _you_ go and say ‘oh my girlfriend loved this so much! Can I take another for her, please?’ And then—”

“The vendor will detect our deception very quickly if we do all that,” Thor said. 

“Yes,” agreed Jane. “But if you use a combination of these with different sample people...”

Thor grinned. “Just how often have you thought on these plans?”

“...More than is probably normal.” 

Thor burst into hearty laughter, putting a huge arm around her shoulder and hugging her to him. “I have contingency plans with fake children, if it comes to that,” Jane said seriously. This only made Thor laugh harder. Jane began to giggle too. They calmed and Thor made a show of wiping tears of mirth from the corners of his eyes, still chuckling. 

“Hopefully it will not come to concocting false children to aid our deception.” 

“Oh, I have ideas including a little old grandma instead, if that interests you,” Jane responded. “Or perhaps a senile uncle? We could also pose as food inspection officers.” Thor was laughing so loudly that people around them were beginning to chuckle as well, looking at them a little oddly but being caught up in his infectious laughter. Still chuckling, Thor and Jane went to implement their Sample Plan.

They managed to get 5 samples of ravioli, 5 samples of corndogs dipped in ketchup, and 4 samples of a parfait trying to showcase the granola. They only managed one sample each of the probiotic juice, and by the time they got to the burritos, the lady working the microwave frowned at them so severely they didn’t dare try their tactics. Thrilled with their success, they retreated to a pallet empty of toilet paper at the back of the store to finish off their burrito samples.

“That was well done!” enthused Thor. “I did not think we would garner so many!”

“You doubted my tactics?!” Jane put a dramatic hand to her chest, affronted.

“Never shall I do so again,” he promised with a theatrical half-bow.

“Ha!” disagreed Jane. “Just wait. I depend on underestimation for my greatest heists,” she squinted, hunching into a suspicious posture. Thor chuckled and rubbed her back. 

“What do we seek out next?” he asked.

“Hmm,” thought Jane. “Well, since we’re _apparently_ buying all this too…” she nudged him and he rolled his eyes playfully. “I guess we could also pick up some new bedding sets. All of my old ones are ruined.” She began to blush a little, heat rising to her face as she remembered how exactly her last set of sheets had been destroyed. She had enjoyed it very much.

Thor’s chest swelled with pride, and he waggled his eyebrows suggestively at her as he flexed. There was a bang from behind Jane, who turned to look. A blushing bright red middle-aged woman swiped up her dropped detergent from the floor and scuttled off. Jane giggled. 

“You’re scaring the locals. Come on.” She tugged gently at his arm. He directed the cart back into the aisles, and Jane directed him to the home goods section, where they had a rousing debate about thread count and sheet color. Finally Jane pointed out that since they were just going to destroy these ones too, they may as well get the cheaper ones. Thor pondered this, agreed, and then promised to bring more sturdy bed sheets from Asgard next he visited his homeworld.

With their cart filled to the brim (and some things threatening to fall from the top of the heap), they went to go check out. On the way to the checkout line, Thor nudged Jane.

“What is this?” He gestured to a set up of three tables boxing in an employee with a small microphone headpiece, mopping up the table. 

“Oh, that’s a demonstration thing,” said Jane. “He’s advertising a product, and so they set up a small area to show it to the customers to encourage them to buy it.”

“Ah, I see!” said Thor. “We have much the same thing in Asgard. Shall we go see?”

“It looks like he’s selling a blender. We already have a blender.”

“But not _this_ blender. And this one may be superior! How will we know if we do not watch?”

Jane rolled her eyes affectionately as Thor hauled her off to the display tables, shopping cart wheels squealing in protest of suddenly being drawn off-course.

“I am interested in your…” Thor looked to the banner taped to the table. “Turbo Tiger, good vendor,” said Thor. “Demonstrate to me it’s efficacy, and you may make a sale.”

The Costco employee, Ralph by his nametag, looked agog at Thor for a moment before visibly shaking it off and beginning his usual spiel.

“This here basic blender,” Ralph slapped a hand down on the top of the blender (appropriately decorated in garish orange tiger stripes), “Is the end to all your troubles!”

“A bold claim,” muttered Thor to Jane.

“Super basic to use. Good for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Let’s say you want a light lunch. Just take your frozen vegetables— any type will do— peas, carrots, cauliflower,” he dumped each into the blender. “Then turn it on, and— “ the blender game to life with a terrific growl, the grinding roar and whine of the motor nearly deafening. “There you go!” he pulled off the lid with a flourish. “A super basic light vegetable soup!”

Ralph demonstrated two more “basic blender meals!” (breakfast and dinner), pouring the results into little paper cups for Jane and Thor to try. 

“What of desserts?” asked Thor. “I should like to see a dessert demonstrated.”

“That’s too advanced, Thor,” Jane insisted. “This is basics. For beginners only!”

“Ah, my mistake,” said Thor, putting up his hands in a conciliatory gesture. “I forget my place. I am not yet advanced enough for this knowledge.”

Ralph looked at him with puzzlement. “...Right.” He continued his spiel. “It’s simple to use and easy to clean. _Any_ body can use this blender! The amatuer chef—”

“That’s you, my love!” teased Thor in a whisper.

“— The elderly— ”

“That’s you, my love!” whispered Jane, elbowing Thor. He gave her a stern, exaggerated frown and Jane returned it with her most innocent expression, blinking up at him rapidly.

“— _Any_ body can use this blender. That’s why it makes such a great gift! For you _or_ a loved one! It’s such a basic machine, anyone can create great blended dishes!”

Jane, in spite of her better judgement, was growing interested. She pointed to a button on the blender. “Does the ‘turbo’ setting come with multiple speeds, too?” she asked. 

“Is that basic, Jane?” needled Thor.

“You’re basic,” she fired back primly. The Costco employ looked between them in increasing bewilderment. 

“No,” said Ralph, a bit loudly to interject. “It doesn’t have multiple turbo speeds. Just the one.”

“I am sure the advanced version has many turbo speeds,” mused Thor. Jane rolled her eyes fondly. 

“There is no advanced version,” said Ralph, frustrated and confused. “Just this blender. This one!” He pointed emphatically at the blender. 

“Perfect! I’ll take it.”

“Wait, what?” said Jane, putting a hand out to stop Ralph, who had been eagerly crouching for a boxed blender under the table. He froze. “We don’t need a blender, Thor. We have a perfectly good one at home.”

“Why should I settle for good, when I could have great!” enthused Thor. He gestured impatiently at Ralph, who grabbed the box and stood up, offering it to Thor.

Jane put up a palm to halt Ralph, who wobbled a bit with his arms outstretched. “I bought our blender like, a year ago,” she maintained. “It’s way too early to replace it!”

“Then you may continue to use it while I use _this_ blender,” replied Thor, nodding decisively and reaching for the box. Ralph thrust it into his hands quickly and hurried off to the far end of his display table, taking his cloth and aggressively wiping at nothing to avoid being entangled again. 

“Seriously,” said Jane as Thor approached the cart from several angles, trying to see a place to put the large blender box. “We don’t need it. Are you going to get that?”

“Yes,” said Thor. 

Jane huffed in frustration. “What do you need that new blender for?!”

“I may die if I don’t have this blender,” said Thor, somberly.

“I’ll cry at your funeral,” promised Jane flatly. 

Thor sniffed dramatically. 

“Poor Thor,” simpered Jane. “How will you ever cope.”

“Jane,” insisted Thor. “This blender has a _turbo_ setting. And our old blender smells of burning metal when you turn it on.”

“The turbo setting isn— wait, what? Burning metal? It never used to do that! What did you do?!”

Thor looked a bit sheepish. “I tried to blend the nuts I returned with from Asgard.” His voice changed from his regular speaking voice to a warbling, pretentious one. “Apparently your mortal machinery was not meant for the food of the gods.” He dropped the act and looked regretful.

“Ha!” said Jane. “Well then, let’s get it. Next time, though,” she warned, “tell me when you break stuff. I won’t get mad— well, too mad— but I don’t like not knowing.”

“I understand.” said Thor, and tucked the box under his arm, steering the cart with one hand to the checkout line. 

The person at the register looked a little overwhelmed when they saw the amount of items being loaded onto the moving belt. There was a slight misunderstanding surrounding the price (“Why does your currency not account for tax initially?! It is irritating!”) and a small scuffle for who would carry the bags that did not fit in the cart (which Jane won by snatching all the handles and heaving them over an arm, staggering with the weight but smirking at Thor triumphantly), and they were off to the van. 

After a considerable amount of time making room for all their purchases among Jane’s research equipment, they bundled into the car and relaxed with a sigh.

“Well,” said Jane. “That was the most expensive cereal run I’ve ever had.”

“Untrue,” replied Thor. “There was the time you were distracted by machine parts.”

“Oh yeah, I’d forgotten. Well, I guess this wins the prize for most non-cereal items purchased on a cereal run.”

“What is the prize?”

“To put away all the groceries when we get home.”

“That is not a good prize.”

“Too bad, you won it anyway.”

Thor gave a dramatic sigh. “I will bear my burden with grace.” Jane laughed as she put the car into gear and rolled them out of the parking lot. 

It was not until many miles later that a scream could be heard from the van.

“I FORGOT THE CEREAL!”


End file.
